Friday, December 27, 2024

12 months of fun

Sitting at my desk on the shortest and darkest days of the year, I have many thoughts.  With the mental space provided by a break from classes, the thoughts and ideas I have while running first thing in the morning often find their way back to the surface during the day.  I have written a few blog posts about these thoughts and my mind has drifted to thinking about my year in review.  I guess I normally post something here to record my greatest personal hits of the year and at my age, that’s probably a good idea.  If you’ve seen one of my recent solo exhibits, you have an idea of what the inside of my brain looks like.  Mixed in with all those colors and imagery are memories of experiences and funny stories.  With so much competition, some of the memories and funny stories just go missing.  Like, have I ever told y’all about how my cousin and I turned my first car into a 2000 pound water gun?  We simply bent the windshield washer outlets both to the passenger side and kept the tank filled with water.  Any time we wanted to hose down our friends, we just pulled alongside them and started spraying water on them.  It even worked on the interstate when bad drivers irritated me.  Who wants to lose stories like that?  So, with the help of my photos folder, here’s some stuff I remember about 2024:


1. Let’s start with Zeke.  What a great dog.  He has his own post here back in September, but this year started off with him being an old man who acted like a puppy and quickly turned into his final months with us.  We were blessed to have several months to consider how much we loved him and to be grateful for all the kindness and joy he gave us.  We still love you Zeke.  You're a good boy.




2. Freakin' Walter.  He made a big splash when he arrived late in the year.  Puppies are a full time job and this one is like Plankton...he's 1% evil.  We already love him and I'm already his favorite.



3. We’ll call this one “Phoebe/Art/Solo Shows.  When I created Phoebe, I created her with Riverfront Park in mind.  That made it all the more exciting when she was accepted into the juried exhibit there and then won an Honorable Mention Award.  I made a ton of new art this year with 21 new drawings and 14 new sculptures.  I had a lot of good times in the studio.  I also got lucky and had 3 solo exhibits this year.  A very good year for art.  A side shoutout to these experiences letting me meet Devann and letting me spend a week in my old college town.









4. This one will be “students”, but I’ll be honest and tell you it started out just as “MG”.  As I looked through my photos, I kept finding funny photos with MG and I started to remember all the shows and awards she won this year.  It’s really kind of ridiculous but good for her.  But then I kept scrolling through the year and saw so many wonderful memories with my students.  Some of their highest moments and some of our funniest photos.  I was talking to our university president recently and he asked about my fall semester.  I told him it was great and that it was all because of my students.  Sometimes you just get a good group of humans to watch over and I’ve currently got an excellent group.  


5. Speaking of students, Pickle Man gets his own spot.  If you were around campus last spring, you saw him at some point and fell in love with him.  He started off as a student idea for an outdoor sculpture that seemed very ambitious.  I advised Amber in making it, thinking she’d end up making him smaller than she said.  Amber, however, made it larger than she said and I was very supportive.  As it turned out, that was bad for the early decisions we made about his armature, but the fact that he turned out perfect and lasted outside for as long as he did is a testament to Amber’s determination as an artist.  What started out sort of as a joke, ended up bringing so many smiles to campus.  Good job Amber and RIP Pickle Man.  You were a big dill.






6. Family.  So much happened with the family this year.  Blue graduated high school, which came with so many milestone events related to school.  He threw the discus far enough to qualify for State but because he didn’t have to run cross country anymore, it was just Violet and me doing the running this year.  Blue did go to some summer practices with us.  We had a great vacation, lots of shorter trips, lots of fun conversations and we really made a dent in the South Park seasons, even with Blue going away to college.  G and I celebrated our 30th anniversary.  Violet still wants to make music with me and I love that.  Oh, and Blue deserves a shout for getting all As in his first semester of college.



7. You know I have to mention running.  In fact, y’all are really lucky I don’t mention it more.  I love it.  It keeps me healthy and happy and makes me the fun guy you know.  I ran in all sorts of ridiculous situations this year, super early in the morning, in an actual hurricane with trees falling around me, bitter cold, crazy heat, long distances and I still ran a respectable time in my one timed race this year.  Oh, and we brought back slogging this semester and I even had a couple of regulars.  Couldn't find any of those photos, though. 






8. I’ll make this one about the ongoing episodes of Coffee With McAbee but I could just as easily make it about the hot, caffeinated beverage that starts every single day with me.  My love for coffee makes the episodes possible and those episodes have created some really awesome times for me this year.  I had great conversations with current and former students and a few with new and old friends.  For me, this time is sacred and it has become a very important component of my year.  










9. That trip.  Dude.  What a trip.  Going to Greece and Italy was really fun and wonderful but getting to share all of that with Violet was absolutely beyond words.  What a fun adventure to share!  Oh and apparently Alayna and Kennedy got dragged along with us as well.  Tomato Quad Squad for life!






10. A very late entry to the list was concerts.  I had no concerts on my calendar through the first half of the year.  Tickets are crazy expensive now and there are fewer and fewer people I’ll pay that much to see if I have to see them with thousands of other people.  But we did manage a few outings this year in the last half.  Super last minute we got family Weezer tickets nearby and after a great set by The Flaming Lips, we got upgraded to a box with Violet’s school friends.  Then G and I saw Steve Martin and Martin Short and I got to see a bunch of cool people at the Edisto Blackwater Boogie.  Totally worth having to be around people.


So that's 10 good ones in no particular order.  If you or something you're related to didn't make my list, don't worry, you're still important to me and I still love you.  I'm just old and forgetful and there's a limit to how much my hermit brain will allow me to share.  And if the photo that features you didn't make it, know that it lives in my phone somewhere and I genuinely smile when I see it.  Thank you to each person I interacted with this year.  Thanks for making this year a great one.  




Sunday, December 22, 2024

i know you are but what am i?

This has been on my mind recently and  it’s something teachers don’t talk about but perhaps should.  At the end of each semester, students in our universities are given the chance to evaluate their college courses and their professors.  These students are perhaps 18-23 years old and have zero experience teaching university level courses.  Further, their only experience with education is their time spent as students in our current K-12 system.  

Years ago this seemed to be a formality and a way of allowing students to think that they had a voice in their education.  At my previous university, the data was collected, offered to professors and then filed away never to be regarded again.  

These days, the data collected seems to have made its way into having some sort of actual weight as a means of reviewing and assessing professors.  Though student evaluations and comments are completely subjective and 100% determined by how the student feels about the class they were required to take, I’ve had student comments quoted in my own annual reviews as evidence to support that I’m a good teacher.  I also know the opposite has happened to my peers.  

Students who have bad experiences with professors may have these experiences for many reasons.  Some students are forced to miss classes due to a variety of reasons, both valid and invalid and those students may then see the professor’s attendance policy as cruel and heartless, even when it is a department policy completely out of the hands of the professor.  Some students are just there to check a box on a degree program and they have terrible attitudes that negatively impact the entire class.  These students interpret the positive passion of the professor as irritating.  Some students enjoy comfort and have no desire to be uncomfortable, which is required in any effective educational situation.  

I’ll offer myself as an example for consideration.  I’ve been teaching studio art classes for 23 years at the university level.  Unlike many professors, I have a background in education and was trained as a teacher in college.  My classes are challenging by design.  My projects are problem-based, meaning they seem nearly impossible when introduced, causing the students to systematically problem-solve many different solutions in order to complete the assignment.  The curriculum I’ve designed for the sculpture area is a spiral curriculum, designed to give students experiences with various types of sculptural approaches again and again at varying levels of difficulty.  This system rewards students who are determined and disciplined and silently provides them with an entire program of best practices in studio behavior.  

A student in my class will have no idea any of this is happening and why should they?  Their focus needs to be on each assignment in order to succeed.  When I introduce a project and refuse to show past examples of student work, students always think I’m being mean.  The truth is, I’m forcing them to think creatively by not showing them how another student solved the problem.  You show examples in math, not in studio art.  And yes, there’s valid educational research to support my approach.  

Similarly, when I confess that some of my projects are designed to bring experiences with “failure”, students lose their minds.  This is so clearly bad teaching in their inexperienced eyes.  They do not have the experience or mental space to understand that by guiding students carefully into a made up “failure” situation, I am providing them the opportunity to experience the inevitable flop of an idea with total support.  This then allows the student to build independence and confidence as they work their way out of the “failure” and create a successful project.  

Are there easier ways to teach art?  Absolutely.  But my way is very effective at producing exceptional artists and I’m happy to provide a long list of names to anyone interested.  I am not choosing to throw a bunch of information at students and just watch as they sink or swim.  I am personally and individually involved in their educational journey in my classes.  Each student is different and each one has different needs.  

Students can’t be expected to understand my teaching methods fully while they are my students.  If they could, they probably wouldn’t need me.  I’ve been very lucky in my 23 years and while I’ve endured the occasional grade protest, negative comment and even a couple of grade appeals that have moved all the way up the chain of command, my overall student evaluations have been above average.  That doesn’t protect me from the occasional student with an axe to grind or one who feels they can offer me advice on my teaching methods.  

Many of my peers have not been so lucky.  Some have had negative student comments and ratings used as evidence in their annual reviews.  I’ve been on hiring committees when these student evaluations have come up in the decision making process.  I’ve sat with very upset MFA students after reading their student comments after their first semester of teaching and had them question whether or not this career was worth the pain.  I’m not using sensational language and parables here, I can give you names and real examples.  

Students don’t know they don’t know everything.  I don’t have a problem understanding this after many years of engaging with their brains.  I’ve had many 18 year olds tell me how the world works.  The problem here is that educational professionals such as chairs, deans and university administrators also know that students don’t know everything, yet they still provide those students the tool to offer feedback on a topic they actually know very little about.  Then, they choose to attempt to use the tool as some sort of valid teacher evaluation system.  

Students also forget that their professors are real humans with real lives and real emotions.  If they had to read those comments in real time to the professor’s face and watch their reaction, my guess is that student evaluations would go away fast.  These professors have the same self-doubt, insecurities and bad days that everyone else has.  They read these rude, offensive and often completely untrue comments and cry real tears.  


So why am I writing this?  Again, this isn’t about me at all and please do not send me notes of encouragement.  I’m not down or even feeling beat up about my evaluations for this semester or any prior.  My concern is for my fellow professors who can suffer real career damage from these anonymous evaluations provided by unqualified reviewers.  If you’re a professor reading this, maybe let your chair and dean know how ridiculous this practice has become.  If you’re a student reading this, maybe take the time to really consider the human you’re reviewing at the end of each semester.  If you’ve taken my class, you’ve been taught how to provide true statements without being mean.  

If you’re the type of student who revels in the slander of your professors at the end of each semester, I hope two things for you:

1. I hope you live long enough to have the life experience you need to understand that you were absolutely unqualified to provide educational feedback and advice to your very experienced and very trained professors.

2. I hope you end up being a teacher so you, too, can experience the true sadness of giving yourself passionately to a low paying, low reward job only to have a child with zero experience in life or teaching tell you that they do not approve of your teaching methods – methods you’ve perfected by teaching longer than the student has been alive.  (Actually I don’t hope this for you, but rather, I hope you do live to regret and feel true sorrow for your negative review and I hope that regret leads you to offer your most sincere apologies to the professor(s) you kicked while they were at their most vulnerable.)

Saturday, December 21, 2024

you know it's hard out here for an artist



The year is winding down and I have received what is probably the final art notification of the year.  I guess that means we have to try to make sense of this again.


Here’s this year’s stats:

12 rejections

10 acceptances

4 invitations to exhibit

3 awards

3 solo exhibits

14 new sculptures created

21 new drawings created

52 new butt drawings for fun


The reason I began keeping up with these numbers a couple of years ago was so that I could have a record of what actually happened to compare with what I “felt” happened.  Because, you know, feelings are kind of lies.  

Let’s start with the big ones, the rejections and acceptances.  We learned last year that I can’t really do percentages on my own but 12 rejections and 10 acceptances is pretty good.  One of my former students quickly pointed out that this was better than the 90% rejection rate I tell my students to expect.  This is true, but I’m also not just starting my career as all of them are.  Their valid point was, these numbers are pretty good.  I’m very happy with getting into 10 juried exhibits in 12 months.  For my academic friends, many of these were Level 1 accomplishments for university service.

If we look at the other numbers and we do a quick comparison with my peers who are working at similar jobs and have similar goals, the numbers are pretty high.  I’m comfortable looking at that list and concluding that I had a very good year as an artist.  


But let me tell you about a Tuesday in the spring.  I had two solo shows approaching and I was making art like a machine while teaching a very busy spring semester.  I had begun posting new work on Instagram on Tuesdays and this particular Tuesday I didn’t quite have a new work finished.  I woke up filled with feelings of inadequacy.  I wondered if I was working hard enough.  Was I doing enough?  I felt slack.  I felt like my artist friends were killing it and I was not.  

Then there was the night of the reception for my second solo show.  Maybe 8 people showed up.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a loser.  I felt like my work was stupid, I had wasted my time and now I had to drive 3 hours home.  What was the point?  

And what about last week when I received another rejection from that show I enter every year and can’t seem to get into?  I felt like my work wasn’t any good and that I wasn’t doing enough.  

Oh, and what about this week when I read one negative student comment about my teaching and immediately forgot all about being awarded some kind of teacher of the year award.  Feelings, right?  They'll get us focused on the few negatives and cause us to ignore all the positives.  

The facts said one thing and the feelings said another.  Living in the confines of a human brain can be such an irritating thing.  I can open my sketchbook and see the facts.  I can think back and remember the new friends art has brought into my life this year.  I can recall specific kind words viewers have spoken to me.  I can remember selling works to people who decided to wake up every day and see my art.  And still, my brain said that I was a loser.  


Art isn’t for wimps, y’all.  If you want an easy life filled with confidence and constant reassurance, please look elsewhere.  I’ve had a stellar year by almost any standard and still I’ve had many moments of crippling doubt and insecurity throughout the year.  Keeping up with this list provides me immediate access to clarity and factual data any time I need it.  Sharing it publicly provides my peers and art friends input from a brother in arms and provides a glimpse into the very real part of being an artist that few people discuss.  

If you’re a younger artist, maybe a current or former student or a creative of any kind, here’s a truth for you to chew on:  The self-doubt doesn’t go away when you accomplish some goal.  The imposter syndrome doesn’t fade at a certain age.  In fact, I think we need to change our perspective on these topics.  Self-doubt is a normal part of being a human.  Imposter syndrome is not an abnormality or a problem to be solved, but rather, it is a very real and helpful feeling we decided to name.  If you can reframe these things and stop seeing them as problems, you can free yourself from any negative feelings surrounding those feelings.  You have self-doubt?  Cool, that means you’re putting yourself out there as a creative.  Feeling like an imposter?  Awesome, that means you’re in a position to take some risks and be who you really are.  Congratulations on both.  


If you're not currently keeping a computer file or an old fashioned list in your sketchbook or journal of positive things that happen to you, maybe give that a try in this new year.  Someone give you a compliment?  Write it down.  Get into a show?  Write it down.  Someone tell you that you inspired them or made them smile?  Write it down.  Then when you wake up in a cold sweat thinking you've been wasting your life, you'll have the factual information you need to fight those lying feelings off.  


Thursday, December 12, 2024

incoherent teacher babble

Not that you asked, but I thought it might be worth sharing one of my educational principles as a 
Professor of Art for more than 20 years.  If you're young and you're still having to write a "philosophy of education" to get a job, you may want to roll this around in your brain and see how you may word it better and use it.  If you're mid-career and still actively stealing ideas to make your teaching more effective, this one is an easy steal.  And finally, if you're not in education at all, and you're still reading, I would bet this concept easily translates into whatever profession you're in or perhaps even into your personal life.  

Here's the principle:  Never tell a student something is impossible.  

Of course, there should be a huge asterisk at the end of that and we'll get to all the exceptions later, but for now, just take it for what it says.

Sculpture is a discipline of realism.  Sure, your composition may look cool with all that weight on one side of the form, but in sculpture, it has to actually stand up.  Gravity is a thing, like it or not.  You may not want to add another leg but the realism of gravity may demand it.  You may want to make your idea 10 feet tall, but that process may take you 10 years and we only have a semester.  There's an almost infinite list of examples of when the realism of science takes precedent over the idealism of the sketchbook.  

My job as the professor is to look at the ideas early on and advise the student in whatever direction I know realism will take them.  Lots of experience has given me the ability to look at a sketch and listen to an idea and quickly be thinking several steps ahead so that I can help the student navigate potential problems and pitfalls.  Knowing they're likely to get frustrated in 3 weeks with a difficult step they don't even know exists yet allows me to adjust their "choose your own adventure" book.  Rarely do I tell them why I'm giving the advice I'm giving.  To do so would take more time than we have in the studio class, carefully explaining every step and providing reasons why.  So what generally happens is, I look at the idea, listen to the student explain and I point them in a direction I believe will give them success.

The problem with that is I may define success differently than a student.  Students are often most concerned with the finished product as they think that impacts their reputation and final grade.  There's certainly some truth to that expectation, but as a teacher, I'm more concerned with the process of critical thinking and decision making they'll do along the way.  This means I may know that the student will likely not be able to make the thing they're planning, but that they'll have to make choices in the creative process that will probably yield some sort of successful sculpture, just not the one they planned.  

Looking at a sketch of an idea prior to the student touching the material is mostly just an assessment of their compositional skills.  I'll always insist on multiple ideas and when I look at those, I'm looking for creativity and composition.  If I know there's no way the reality of the material will do what they want, I may tell them and encourage them to move to a different idea.  Sometimes I'll see the impossible things in the sketch and I'll take what I know about the student and decide if I should just turn them loose on the idea or steer them away.  

One really good example of this occurred in August when the fall semester began.  A student brought me sketches and there was a page with a blue heron sketched on it in a mostly realistic fashion.  A big heavy body and some long skinny legs...not the kind of idea I would usually green light for a project made from laminated plywood.  I encouraged the student to think about using abstraction to make the design better.  Once they showed me those changes, I asked a couple of exploratory questions and knew that there were some potential solutions the student might discover if I let her run free.  I took a second and told her to get started.  Yes, if you're wondering, I did indicate my concern over the skinny legs.  Just enough information to plant a seed.  

In the next few weeks, the student went about carefully and meticulously creating the individual parts of the bird, all separately.  This was the exploration of media.  The student had never made a sculpture before and never used wood or power tools.  All of it was new.  There was much learning and I was happy with the progress, even as I worried that all the parts may not join together at the end.  

More hours were logged and as I raised questions about physical connections, the student thought about possible solutions that fit within the project requirements.  Among those were that students could only use wood and adhesive, so no nails or screws.  My projects are problem-based so some of my criteria points are diabolical.  I'm not ashamed.  

In the final days before the deadline, I was already happy with what the student had learned.  All of the things they needed to learn about carving wood and using tools safely were covered.  Each part of the bird looked like the original plan and as the student started assembling the parts, from easy to difficult, things were going well.  

These connections often break at least a few times.  Again, diabolical, but it teaches students to plan their studio time, deal with unexpected problems and to continually critically assess their sculptures.  In this student's situation, each break meant stopping progress and allowing another 12-24 hours of drying time before adding yet another heavy and precarious piece of wood.  

By the day before critique, this project was a comedy of errors.  I made sure I was a part of these last few studio hours so that the student would learn to laugh at the problems as they stacked up so high.  This may be one of the healthiest things I can teach a student.  The laughter lightened the mood and also allowed more blood to flow to her brain while she continued to problem solve.  When I left for the night, the student had carefully constructed a ridiculous support system to hold the sculpture up so it could dry.  Just like in the beginning, there was no way it was going to work.  

In the critique, she took away all the supports and the rickety sculpture actually (kind of) stood up on its own for a minute.  


That's not the student in the photo, just a kind observer who held the bird upright while it was critiqued.  The bird was finished by the deadline, it was critiqued and it was very successful as a sculpture.  It did not stand completely on it's own and while it was stabilized for the length of the critique, it wobbled and a couple of pieces worked their way loose.  I was still very impressed that the student had carried the process so far.  She had done the impossible and this was the first time I told her it was impossible.  You see, if you don't tell someone it can't be done, they might just do it.  

The student took the suggestions from critique and decided to keep working on the bird.  She wanted it to be able to be exhibited, which meant it had to be reliably sturdy.  Now that the project was over, she had the freedom to use a couple of screws if needed.  We talked through some ideas and she came up with a good plan to make the bird work.  

As soon as it was done, we very, very carefully transported the fragile bird to a pedestal and he survived the trip.  Here he is in his 360 degree glory:






Now for those asterisks.  

Dude, of course you have to tell a student something is impossible when it's absolutely not possible.  The last thing you want to do is have a first semester student reach their frustration level early.  But how do you know when to wave a student off and when to tell them to go for it?  You have to know the student.  This means paying attention to every detail.  You have to be ready to receive the information available about students.  I'd tell you my gut said this student could handle it, but the whole truth is a little deeper.  I met this student a year earlier when they made an extra effort to come to a gallery event.  I saw them last spring in a Drawing class and paid attention to what they were drawing each time I passed the easel.  I noted the excitement in her eyes when she signed up for Sculpture.  All the signs were there.  

You also have to consider your experience.  I tell students "no" a good bit when they have crazy ideas.  I LOVE crazy ideas, but in the case of a public sculpture, I know there are rules and best practices to follow.  Having been in public sculpture for 20+ years, I know the thing isn't going to survive a drive to another location or that the glass is going to shatter or that the wind is going to blow it away.  

Last, and most judgmental, you have to be honest about the student.  If you've seen their work before, you just know.  If they work at a snail's pace on a good day, you have to tell them there's no way they'll finish the big idea, ever.  If they've struggled with quality and craftsmanship, you have to be honest about how it's going to turn out unless there's a huge change in behavior.  I'll also put an asterisk here and tell you I've had students surprise me and prove me wrong, but I'm always happy to be wrong in that situation.  


Last honest disclaimer:

The Impossible Bird is currently on display for all to see.  As we carried it up the stairs as gently as possible, the little legs cracked and popped with each step and each giggle.  One leg is currently bent under the weight of the bird and I would not be surprised if it broke from the passing of the hallway ghost late one night.  Still, it survived the installation and has already lived longer than any of us expected.