the summer of blue and violet

In the years since I started getting to have a summer break, the kids and I have had a lot of interesting summer themes.  We had the Summer of Waterfalls when we visited over 30 waterfalls in the region, the Summer of Free when we did as many free things as possible all summer and I had a Summer of Beaches when I spent more of my summer on the beach than I did at home.  All good times.

Now that the kids are older, we don’t really plan any sort of summer theme.  They’re not really too cool for it, but as a family, we’re probably a little too busy for it.  They’ve become protective of their limited days “off” and I’ve been busier than ever with art activities and professional development.  This means fewer cool hiking trips or kayaking days.  

Still, I couldn’t have planned a more enjoyable summer than the one we accidentally created this year.

TV

Last year, Violet and I started watching TV together almost every night for an hour.  I do not normally watch TV at all but I knew this was important so I made time for it.  For the entire time we did this, Blue would be upstairs in his room during our TV time.  We would ask him to join us but he had no interest in watching the goofy shows we were into and while he will watch TV occasionally late at night, he rarely watches TV and NEVER watches movies.  

There are no bed times in summer so Violet had more time for TV beginning in June.  This meant we watched a few movies or binged more episodes of our shows.  We caught Blue one night before he went up to his room and invited him to watch a movie with us.  The movie was a silly one I knew he would enjoy called “Cocaine Bear”.  It took some doing, but we got him to watch with us and we all laughed together for an hour and a half.  He told us about some shows we needed to watch and soon we had him watching TV with us most nights.  We watched some good shows but the really wonderful thing about this was all three of us being in the same room every night with nothing in particular to do.  Watching TV in modern times really means having the TV on while you ramble around on your phone or have side conversations about what you’re watching.  This was kind of magical with a rising 9th grader and a rising senior and some nights we even got G to watch with us for a while before her bedtime.  I understand that our family isn’t like a lot of families, but from what I understand, this kind of time together is rare.  This may have been my favorite thing about this summer.

Goodwill

I have always included Blue and Violet in the Summer Studio Sales.  They always get the behind-the-scenes view of what it takes to have a sale in your home, but they also get some experience in thinking of what to make and how to market that to people.  It’s also a way to interact and have things in common.  This year Violet took the knowledge and experience she gained from making bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert and she applied that to making even cooler bracelets for the sale.  This was an activity she could do during TV time each night.  Blue has been into vintage clothing for a while and he decided he was going to try to sell vintage and pre-loved clothing at the sale.  This meant we all took a lot of trips to Goodwill stores together and separately.  Some days the three of us would load up and head to Goodwill as a destination.  Some days we’d try to find one in whatever city or town we were near.  Each trip was a group effort when it came to looking for cool stuff.  Violet, honestly, shopped for herself mostly, but occasionally offered a great find to Blue for his collection.  I was also shopping for myself in the tshirt section, but even I found a few things Blue deemed cool enough for his racks.  We even made a trip to Greenwood mostly just to let him look through the big Goodwill there.  When we arrived, the store was repainting walls and they had removed all of the tshirts.  What a bummer.  We did go back a few days later which provided more time with Blue and Violet.

Running

In 8th grade Blue made the choice to join the Cross Country team.  He hated running with a passion but he fell in love with the team.  Last year he decided there was nothing worth running and training in the summer heat and he dropped out of the team.  He still did discus and shotput at Track and Field, but he claimed he’d never run again.  Meanwhile, Violet kept running and kept getting faster.  She ran Track again last season and really only took a few weeks off from training between the end of Track and the beginning of summer conditioning for Cross Country.  

I go to Cross Country practice during the summer and when I’m not at school during the season and I always run with the team when I’m there.  I enjoy running and I like getting the extra miles and running in different places.  When both kids started Cross Country, I ran with them so they wouldn’t be alone or unsafe in public places.  Because I’m a dad, it was hard to keep my mouth shut when I didn’t think they were running fast enough or trying hard enough.  Both kids helped me learn to shut up and run.  They ran better when I was some distance away and not saying anything.  Apparently my kids are stubborn and don’t like people telling them what to do.  No idea where that kind of trait comes from.

Finally understanding this, I didn’t say much to Blue about coming back to run for his senior year.  Other Cross Country parents would mention it when they saw him and he would dismiss their comments with humor.  He was going to the gym regularly and I knew he sometimes did some treadmill work there.  This summer I overheard him talking about the possibility of running.  I was hopeful but I tried not to say anything.  One evening I turned into the driveway and saw someone running on my trail.  It was Blue.  I pretended not to see and tried to mind my business.  Soon he was having more regular conversations about when he thought he might rejoin the team…as if it was just a thing that had been decided and everyone knew about it.  

He's smart.  He hates summer running and he planned his return to be as late as possible without missing camp and still hopefully having enough time to train to make the team’s maximum 5K time.  I told him I was thrilled that he had decided to run again but there’s no way I adequately communicated exactly how thrilled I am.  

The last half of summer included long drives to Cross Country practice three or four days each week with both Blue and Violet.  The 30 minute commute provided lots of extra conversation time them.  And I got to run with them!  At a comfortable distance, of course, and with my mouth shut as much as possible.  It was great.

Near Death Experience

Trauma bonding is fun.  The kids might say that our commutes to and from Cross Country practice had more to do with Stockholm Syndrome than spending quality family time together, but either way, I’ll take it.  We had some funny talks on those drives but sometimes we just listened to music or they scrolled while I drove.  

This week we loaded ourselves in the FJ for a longer than usual drive to a more distant running trail for Cross Country practice.  We knew storms were predicted but it was sunny and calm at home so we drove north.  About 20 miles up the interstate the sky had darkened considerably.  There was no wind or rain but it was really dark.  This was a quiet time in the car.  Violet was watching something with headphones in.  Blue had addressed the darkness of the sky but was quietly scrolling on his phone.  Then there was a white flash, an immediate CRACK sound and wind like it came from a shockwave.  It looked and sounded like we exploded.  I looked in the rear view mirror and every car and truck behind us had slowed down and put on their hazard lights.  We were shocked.  Well not literally but something had definitely happened.  

The kids never want to miss a practice but Blue’s first words were, “we’re going home”.  Ok, maybe not his FIRST words, but definitely his third, fourth and fifth words.  I asked what the heck just happened and continued to slow down.  The wind was strong now and rain had started.  Everyone behind us still had their hazard lights on and were creeping along.  We were at an exit so I pulled off and headed for the closest gas station.  Blue and I got out and glanced at the exterior of the car.  Everything looked fine.  We were even more puzzled.  We figured if we got hit by lightning, we’d be dead or the car would at least be scorched.  In the couple of seconds we were out of the car looking, there were maybe three lightning strikes nearby and the gas station’s power went out.  We jumped back in the car.  Blue said again that we were going home.  

At that moment Violet got an email from the coach saying that practice was still on.  The timing was perfectly hilarious.  I thought we’d sit there and let the storm pass and then continue on to practice.  The storm would likely be over by the time we got there anyway.  I just couldn’t shake the idea that something had happened, not just near us, but TO us on the interstate.  I got out again and walked to the front of the car.  That’s when I saw that the little metal piece above my windshield was missing.  Gone.  Like, blown off.  How does that happen?  

Blue and Violet got out to see the damage.  The sky was still flashing with lightning so we all jumped back in and decided we were going home.  We briefly entertained the idea of driving back through to see if we could find the missing piece of my car but the storm was now so bad, we just wanted to get back home alive.  

The line of storms had not yet reached our house and we were all still trying to figure out what had happened.  All of us Googled "lighting striking cars" and we all got different information.  Some cars get fried.  Some get the paint scorched off.  Some cars have no damage at all.  We were all amped up as the storm rolled into our territory back home, so we kept recounting what we experienced.  All evidence pointed to us either being hit by lightning or driving directly through a lightning strike.  Either way, my car was maimed and we were all a little freaked out.  

When the storm passed our house, Blue went out for his run to stay on schedule.  I stood on the front porch with hummingbirds zipping all around me watching the sky for lightning while he ran.  The air was rain-cooled and there was a nice breeze.  It was one of those moments where it's easy to be grateful and I suddenly realized I had a wonderful summer.

THE running tips!

Did you see my (perhaps annoying) running tips on Instagram?  Did you take issue with any of them?  Did you want a bit more information on any of them?  Well look no further!  Here's a complete list of THE running tips (copyright Doug McAbee 2023, of course) with a few extra words tossed in:

1. Start today.  Tomorrow never comes.  Put on your shoes and go run.  Now.  You will never regret running.

2. Your brain is 100% of your run.  Yes, you CAN run that mile.  Yes, you CAN breathe.  Yes, you CAN go a little further.  Control your brain and you’ll control your entire body.

3. Don’t walk.  It’s cheating.  You’ll confuse your body.  If you keep stopping, you body will expect to stop.  It’s called “running” for a reason.  Don’t walk.  However, if you are starting out from never running it's totally cool and perhaps even a good idea to walk a bit.  Try a 30 minute work out.  Set a timer for 30 minutes.  Run .5 miles and then walk until the timer goes off.  Keep stretching that running distance each workout until you're running the whole time.

4. Run every day.  It’s not bad for your knees.  It’s not bad for your body.  These are excuses made by people who do not run.  No one cares what they think anyway.  Seriously, don't take running advice from anyone who doesn't run.

5. Drink water.  Not chemicals.  You don’t need that sports drink or additives to your water unless you’re running a marathon.  You know what’s in water?  Water.  Especially if you live in the country.  Water is good for your body.  

6. Eat smart.  If it makes you feel bad when you run, it’s bad for you.  I know you love ice cream.  Me too.  But it makes you feel terrible the next day.  That means your body is not easily processing it.  Let it go.  If you can’t let it go, minimize it.  Decrease your fried food intake.  Decrease your sugar intake.  You will feel better, look better and BE better.

7. Never drink another carbonated beverage.  Soft drinks are absolute poison.  Cut them out of your life completely and see how much better your body feels.  Do it today.  

8. Get good shoes.  Shoes impact every part of your body when running.  This is basically the only expense related to running.  Try on the good ones.  Splurge.  (I was happy to be corrected by my female running friends.  If you're female, please get a couple of good quality, perhaps even expensive running bras.)

9. Run outside.  Don’t pay to run in a gym.  Find a trail or route that is safe and run outside.  Breathe the air.  Listen to the trees.  Seriously, that fresh air is a major part of why running is healthy.  Your lungs will thank you.

10. Music is a distraction.  I know all you can hear is yourself gasping for air.  Don’t use headphones, earbuds or anything.  Just listen to what is around you.  You will learn to be in your head and it will be the healthiest thing you’ve ever done.  Full disclosure, it took me almost 30 years of running to be able to run without music but I'm so happy that now I only hear natural sounds.  Please try it.

11. Really?  Every day?  Yes.  Even when it’s raining, snowing, hot or cold.  Being truly committed to something difficult will change your life.  Show me someone with an extensive running streak and I'll show you someone you can depend on when things get tough.

12. Running will change your life for the better.  You will be healthier physically and mentally.  It may change how you look but the most important part of running is how it will change how you act, think and feel.

13. People will like you better if you run.  This has nothing to do with how your body looks.  Yes, running will make your skin/face glow but it will also make you more relaxed and better able to deal with stress.  This will make you nicer, kinder and more pleasant to be around.  

14. It’s ok to wash your running clothes with your regular clothes.  Some people will tell you it’s gross but if your laundry doesn’t stink, you’re fine.  I took a lot of heat for this one but I stand by it without smelling gross.  In fact, I usually smell like detergent.

15. Take care of your feet.  That means, wash them every day and trim your nails properly and regularly.  Not sure if you know how to trim nails properly for running?  Google it.  Happy feet, happy runner.

16. Don’t wear your running shoes to do anything other than running.  They’re running shoes, not walking shoes.  Treat them as if they are special.  Putting them on is a treat because it means you get to go running.  Quality running shoes should be good for 300-500 miles.  When you retire a pair, keep them for rainy day runs or wash them well and use them for daily wear sneakers.  Better yet, donate them!

17. If you have to drive somewhere to run, fine, but if possible, run by starting at your front door.  You’ll have fewer excuses if you just have to walk outside to run.  Need to do a quick run because you’re late?  No problem, just go outside.  Think it might storm?  You’re close to home.  Maybe it’s not your everyday route, but a home route is great for success.

18. Unless you’re on a team or trying to outdo your neighbor, running isn’t a competition.  Running is a contest between your body and your mind.  Leave the others out of it on a daily basis.  If you want to race someone, cool, do that occasionally.  Your regular runs need to be between you and you.  This is an individual sport and you're only competing with a past version of yourself.  

19. Progress is never a straight line.  You will have a good run followed by a terrible run.  It means you’re human.  Some days your legs will feel like concrete.  Keep running.  Want to know how you’ll feel after completing a bad run?  Amazing.  Exactly the same as you feel after completing a good run.

20. Running doesn’t get easier.  You get better.  Running is hard.  Don’t lie to yourself and think it will be easy one day.  If it’s easy, you’re probably doing something wrong.  It will always be hard, but when you’re in shape, eating well and taking care of yourself, you’ll be so much better at it.

21. You can run faster.  Your body will naturally settle into routines that feel safe.  You’ll get a normal pace and your body will want to run that every day.  That’s fine, but if you want to get faster, you CAN run faster.  Try it.  Start sprinting for a few seconds then run normal pace again.  Keep doing that and increase the intervals.  

22. You should run first thing every morning.  Within an hour of waking up, your run is done and you’ve already accomplished more than most people will during that day.  You don’t have to think about it again until the next day.  If you must run at another time, do what works for you but a “first thing in the morning run” is always the best idea.  Full disclosure:  I was in my 40s before I could even entertain the idea of a morning run but I'm so glad I made the switch.  You will see a difference in your brain activity after a morning run.

23. Run on vacation.  The best way to explore a new place is by running the streets.  You’re going to want to eat unhealthy food and be extra lazy on some vacations.  Running will help to offset those tendencies.  Keep in mind that you GET to run so it's not something you'll want a vacation from.

24. Running makes you smarter.  There’s science to this but just on a common sense level your brain will benefit from the increased blood flow and from having time to think things through in your head.

25. Running is NOT punishment.  Running is something you GET to do.  You don’t need to run because you ate a doughnut or because you had a beer.  You need to run because you can!  To celebrate what your body is capable of doing.  Running is a gift.

26. Something hurts.  No it doesn’t.  If you focus on every little ache and pain, those will become bigger issues.  If the pain is actually excruciating and makes you limp or change your running form, you should stop.  If the pain gets increasingly worse and causes you to change your running form, you should see a doctor.  If your foot, hip, back, shoulder, toe, calf, thigh, or butt hurts after you run, that’s just normal.  Keep running.

27. You run with your brain.  Focus on the positive.  If you’re counting every step, thinking about how terribly hot it is or thinking you’re dying, you’ll have a terrible run and you’ll likely stop.  Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be able to walk, much less run?  Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be healthy enough for exercise?  Focus on everything that is going well and your run will go well. 

28. You’re not dying.  You don’t have to worry about breathing.  If you’re not really getting enough oxygen, you’ll pass out and while you’re on the ground, you’ll breathe normally again.  It really only feels like you’re dying when you’re starting out.  No lie, when I started running again in my late 20s my out loud mantra was "don't die, don't die, don't die" because I felt like I was dying.  The truth is, we're all dying.  Eef Barzely wrote, "Death is just the moment when the dying ends."  Ponder that on your run.

29. Sweat is sexy.  It makes you more attractive.  I have zero evidence to support this claim, but it’s not like you’re going to fact-check a statement you read on Instagram anyway, right?  Just go with it.  Embrace your sweat and be proud that you worked so hard.  Actually, if you care, there is scientific evidence to support this claim.  Feel free to fact-check it.

30. You are a runner.  There’s no such thing as a runner’s body or a person who just isn’t designed to run.  If you are physically able to run, you’re a runner.  Just go run and see.

31. No one cares if you’re slow.  No one cares if you’re fast.  People care that you have a healthy heart and body.  Just run.  Do you know how far a 5K is for slow runners?  Exactly as far as it is for fast runners.  Run and be proud of what you did.

32. No one cares what you look like when you run.  Maybe you run like a zombie.  Maybe your legs swing way out.  Maybe you make terrible faces.  You’ll be healthy enough to outlive everyone who may notice.  

33. If it was easy, everyone would be running.  Easy is the couch.  Easy is obesity.  Easy gets winded walking up the stairs.  Easy has a lot of doctor appointments.  Do the hard thing.  Go for a run.

34.  Runners are THE MOST encouraging and supportive humans on the planet.  This is fact.  The people I have met through running are smarter, kinder and healthier than most people, but they are all super-supportive.  Get you some running friends.  I'll volunteer to be your first one.  Then go on Instagram and find a few aspirational running friends and watch your life improve.

Of course I have to add the disclaimer:

These tips are my personal opinions based on 30+ years of running.  I am not a medical professional nor am I a running coach.  I'm just a guy who has logged over 14,000 miles running since 2010.  You may disagree with my advice but I practice what I preach.  Happy to discuss.  Go run!