Summer has been nice, but I’m waking up to the fact that I’m in my last few days of break before shifting back into the busier teaching schedule. Something about this transitional time of year puts my mind in a mood to reflect, particularly about teaching.
Before we get into that, let me give you a glimpse into my life as of the last few weeks. After the sheer adventurous joy of the family vacation followed by 2 weeks in Europe, I came home and settled into staying up later and sleeping later. I was drawing and sculpting and taking care of lots of art exhibit things, but I was also taking the time to stop working at night and sit around with the kids and the dogs while wasting a little bit of time watching things on screens. We’d stay up late laughing at nonsense and going through all three seasons of Ted Lasso and then I’d sleep until 7:30 or 8:00 am, which is late for me but still early for the kids. Blue moves into college in a little over a week. This “wasting” of time is honestly more of a treasured necessity. I’ve been loving our time together.
Several days each week, Violet and I have to be mindful of what we eat during the day because we know we’ll be running lots of miles at the evening cross country practices. After practice we’ll treat ourselves to some ice cream or chocolate while sitting on the couch. Then we wake up and repeat as needed.
I, quite intentionally, do not think about school during the summer. This is my hack for staying sane in the world of academia. I answer all emails that come from students and colleagues, but I minimize that part of my life so that I will be ready to dedicate my time to it from August until May. Generally, in the last couple of weeks of break, I’ll start thinking about my upcoming classes and responsibilities and I’ll update my syllabi and make some concrete plans for the year. As I do this, the shadow of knowledge creeps in and I’m reminded that when classes begin, I’ll be setting that 5:00 am alarm and running in the dark again. Meh.
I suppose any teacher worth their salt must spend some time reflecting on last year in order to properly prepare for the year ahead. I’ll be honest, my morning runs for much of the summer were filled with conversations with myself about frustrations and disappointments from last year. That running therapy has helped and my attitude has turned to a more positive outlook. My morning runs are now filled with thoughts about the students on my rosters for this year and how I’m going to engage with them through specific projects and assignments.
One of the things I started learning about my students a few years ago was that I can’t control their actions. I may have even written about this here, but I can provide everything a student needs to be successful, but I can’t make them actually use that information and be successful. They have to choose it. They have to work for it. It’s SOOOOOO frustrating to see a student with so much potential just waste the opportunities provided for them, but all the worrying in the world won’t make them change.
As I started to get more comfortable with the fact that I can’t change student’s actions, I then needed to learn that I also can’t change the actions of others. My peers, colleagues, friends and even my superiors in the chain of command, I can provide all the information and evidence I want, but they are essentially going to do what they are going to do regardless of what I think about it. That’s hard to accept. The control freak realizing he is not in control. The horror.
If I don’t accept it, the immediate downside is that I will feel undervalued. I’ll feel that they aren’t listening to me and that my input doesn’t matter. This may or may not be true in reality, but it’s also not the point. Did I say what was true? Did I say it to help? If so, then I should move on with my life no matter what happens next.
Perhaps my age and experience puts me in a different place than many in academia. I didn’t go right into grad school and immediately begin a full time job in academia in my mid-twenties. This is actually my 2nd life. I didn’t start full time academic teaching until my late thirties. Now I’m 52 and 15 years into full time teaching. Perhaps this age and experience gives me a different perspective.
Of course, I still take things personally for a while. When I give my input and no one listens, I get angry. Mostly, though, I get that anger worked out on my runs, alone. Some days all I can see is how often in the past I have been right and how often others have been chronically wrong. Luckily, I’m the only one who gets to hear how selfish and immature my feelings are. Once I realize what I sound like, I can put on my big boy pants and move on. I’m not in charge and I’m so glad I’m not. I’m not an administrator, I’m a teacher.
And dude, I LOVE teaching. I’m definitely not in academia to be an administrator. I’m not here for the meetings and the service assignments. I’m not here for the “mandatory” training and the professional development classes. I put up with those things because I love being in the studio with my students. I love teaching my people.
So the things that happen and are decided that don’t suit me, if those things don’t directly affect me teaching my students as I please, then those things don’t really matter. I can focus on being a positive influence, an encourager and a great teacher. After all, the students aren’t in my class to hear my ideas about policy and the general direction of day to day inner workings of a university. They’re there to learn to be artists who serve the world with love and kindness. That will continue to be my focus.
I’m almost ready to be excited for the semester. It’s going to be fun!
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