confidence is slippery

I don’t believe in “imposter syndrome”.  I’ll apologize for my generation because I think it may have been Gen X-ers who decided we needed to put a label on every feeling we ever had.  Let’s say you start a new job and you probably worded the application materials to make yourself sound like you were the best fit for the job.  That’s fair.  But now you’re getting dressed on the morning of your first day and you’re having some major anxiety.  What if they find out I’m not as confident as they thought?  Am I really qualified for this job?  In whatever realm you’ve experienced the feelings, you know what I’m saying.  

My argument is that this is not an example of you (and me) presenting a false idea of who we are and what skills we have.  Instead, this is an example of a crisis of confidence.  You see, you actually were the best person for the job or they wouldn’t have hired you.  You didn’t lose your skills and abilities overnight while you slept.  You really are the person your application materials indicated that you were.  The only thing that changed was how you felt at the moment.  You replaced reality with fear.

Confidence is like that.  We can be riding high one minute and someone can look at us a certain mysterious way or say something we don’t quite understand and suddenly we feel naked and terrified, completely exposed.  

I believe that artists and creative types are especially susceptible to this terrible feeling.  

I have a good friend who is the kind of pianist that most people just dream of becoming.  She’s amazing.  She can sit down and squeeze the most beautiful sounds out of a piano.  She doesn’t just play the notes, she plays the music in a way that expresses the emotion of the piece.  It’s a truly wonderful thing to witness.  Recently my friend hit a speed bump and had a sudden crisis of confidence.  She didn’t become any less exceptional in that moment, she just felt different.  

And then there’s my little nonsense.  I have a great job and a lot of opportunities.  The last few years I’ve been very prolific in art-making and I’ve had the good fortune of getting work into a lot of shows.  I actually even delivered and installed a solo show of my work this week.  And yet…at some point yesterday, I realized I didn’t win this one thing or get into this particular show.  My brain went into a panic and alerted me that I needed to apply to a bunch of shows and get my work back out there.  I literally had the thought that “I haven’t been in any shows recently”.  My heart rate went up.  My mind started racing, trying to think of what opportunities I could jump on immediately.  

After a few minutes of this panic, I looked around my studio and saw bare spots on the walls.  I noticed my stack of new drawings was really thin.  More panic.  Now I need to be in more shows and I don’t have any work to enter.  Sweat started to bead up on my forehead.  

It took a lot longer than it should have taken for me to realize that the reason I didn’t have a lot of art to enter is because so much of it is currently on exhibit.  I had a moment of “Ohhhhhhh.  That’s where my work is”.  

Realizing I had just participated in a very unhealthy thing that I constantly advise my students against, I decided to take a moment and take stock of the situation rationally.  Here’s what I realized:

At this moment, I have 1 public sculpture on exhibit for a year in North Charleston, SC.  I have 1 public sculpture on exhibit for a year in Cashiers, NC.  I have 3 small sculptures in a juried exhibit in Indiana.  I have 1 small sculpture in a juried exhibit in Key West, FL.  I have a solo exhibit of about 16 drawings in Spartanburg, SC.  I have about 15 drawings and sculptures in a commercial gallery in Saluda, NC.  I have 2 sculptures in an exhibit in Greenwood, SC.  And honestly, I may have something somewhere else and have completely forgotten about it.  

In the academic world, that list would get me tenure and or promotion over a 6 year review period.  I know some artists who don’t have that many exhibits in an entire career and this is just a snapshot of one particular day for me.  It’s absolutely ridiculous that someone with that list of exhibits would lack confidence, and yet, there we were, heart racing, sweat on the brow, telling myself I wasn’t good enough.  

I don’t have the cure for a crisis of confidence.  I would tell you that when you feel it coming, you should stomp the brakes and do a little rational thinking.  The truth is, most of us don’t know we’re experiencing it until after the fact and even if we do realize it, rational thought is not likely to be found anywhere near us.  

A couple of days ago, I watched my grad student freak out because she put her recent work out for a guest artist to critique.  The work is very, very strong and yet, she was immersed in a crisis of confidence as she prepared to receive the artist’s feedback.  When he told her he was impressed by her work, the change in her was visible.  The confidence returned to her face.

I wonder if one of the best things we can do to fight a crisis of confidence is to hype the people in our lives.  When our musical friend is killing it, we should tell them they’re killing it.  We should tell our artist friends when we love their work.  Don’t just like the post, actively tell them you love it and why you love it.  Take the time to point out what they’re doing great.  Remind your creative friends that their writing, their musical performance, their great ideas cause you to consider true beauty and make you smile.  Don’t just assume that they know how much joy they bring into the world with their work.  Remember that just like you, they need to be reminded of what is true.  Perhaps often.  

Doing this will have an impact on you.  During your dark night of the soul, eventually you’ll begin to realize that you are also doing some of the things you’ve been praising your friends for doing.  You’ll remember the kind thing you said to them and you’ll realize that is also true of your work.  You’ll also build a posse of creative friends who know what it’s like to lose confidence.  They’ll begin to hype you and when you are down, they’ll be there to pick you up.  In this way, you’ll receive the same energy you put out into the world.  

You are so much better than you give yourself credit for being.  Humility is awesome but honesty is crucial.  Look for the good in others and make sure they know you see it.  Look for the good in you and make sure you know you see it.  

music and art trip (edisto blackwater boogie II)

Last year my friend Dan invited me to draw during a music festival in Ridgeville, SC.  It sounded fun and I love Dan, so I happily agreed to try something new.  It was a great experience so when I was invited back this year, I didn't even think before saying yes.  Then, like all far away calendar events, I forgot about it and moved on with life.  When October rolled around again, I stocked up on markers and made plans to be near Ridgeville for the festival weekend.  

Last year, I freaked out a bit when I saw I was drawing in front of everyone beside the stage.  This year I saw the map ahead of time and was able to prepare myself.  I loaded up my drawing box and hit the interstate.

I drove straight into Charleston because it was a beautiful sunny day and I love Charleston.  When I walked by St. Matthews, the door was open so I decided to walk in.  The interior is so beautiful and I haven't been inside in several years.  If I ever move to Charleston, I look forward to converting so I can go here.

My next religious experience was just up King Street at Cafecito.  This little Cuban place is a must-stop every time I'm nearby.  I grabbed a lunch sandwich and this perfect coffee called a Colada.  It's meant to share with 4 people, but I've never shared one.  

Caffeinated, fed and sugared up, I was ready to get set up for the festival.  I drove to Givhan's Ferry State Park and got everything ready.  The music was set to start in the late afternoon on Friday and I wanted to be ready to begin because I knew it would get dark earlier than I would prefer.

 

The location of my tent was perfect and I stayed out of the afternoon sun.  The ambient light was enough to finish that first drawing.  The big perk of doing this festival is having good music playing all around me while I work.  

After I finished the first drawing, I was able to relax a little and notice what was going on around me.  I got to see this lady do some fire dancing before I clocked out and headed to the hotel.

There was a nice little running path near the hotel and I was able to get breakfast and coffees at my favorite little Summerville coffee shop, Coastal Coffee Roasters.  The coffee was great and I got to see art by my friends Kevin and Andrew.

Saturday was going to be a full day so I wasted no time.  I arrived early and decided to get started with my first drawing just as the first set started.  One of my personal favorites of the weekend was Meredith Foster.  There were a lot of sound issues early on, but she powered through a great version of "Oh Carolina" by Needtobreathe and I was hooked.

This year I was smart enough to do a little bit of brainstorming before arriving.  The first drawing took about 4 hours and that's not a sustainable plan for the weekend.  Starting early on Saturday helped, but I also worked fast and got the second drawing finished by noon.  The third drawing also went pretty fast and it was ready for some finishing touches around 2:00.  This was about the time Violet arrived.

One major difference from last year was that I was alone for the first half of the trip.  Violet loves the festival and she was with me last year as my merch-slinger and assistant, but this year the festival fell on the same weekend as the State Cross Country Meet in Columbia.  Violet qualified to run State so she planned to join me after her race was over.  G drove her down and she was able to enjoy the music with me for the rest of the day.  

One of my favorite parts of the festival is the inclusion of the Edisto Natchez-Kusso tribe.  As the original inhabitants of this area, Dan makes sure they get a spot in the lineup to share some of their culture with us.

These two kids dressed in their traditional outfits and demonstrated a couple of dances before inviting everyone to participate in a group dance.  It was very cool. 

The people-watching at any festival is fun and this one always provides fun moments.  I thought this one was odd until Violet told me the name of the band performing had the word "crow" in it.  Still a cool mask.  There was also a kid wearing a wolf mask for reasons we couldn't guess.  

Last year we tried several foods from vendors but this year the best thing we had was the doughnuts.  These were french toast glaze doughnuts from the Donut Daddy truck.  We absolutely devoured them.  They were so good.

The other favorite part is always Dan.  Dan created the Edisto Blackwater Boogie as a way to provide an opportunity for regional bands to play original music.  It has grown steadily into what it is now and Dan is the reason.  His wife, Jana, is equally amazing and thoughtful and she secretly ordered t-shirts that read "Let's Give It Up For Dan Riley".  She distributed those just before his band went on and we all gathered in front of the stage.  We put on the shirts and then cheered loudly when they came out.  Dan was moved by it and, oh man, does he deserve a show of affection like that.  He then played the best set ever with a full band.  He's awesome.

Awesome people have awesome kids by default.  Jana and Dan's children, Forest and Oscar danced and played while Dan's band performed and it was so great to watch.  Oh, and Forest decided to wear a duck costume!  So cool.

I finished the last drawing just before Dan's band went on.  I was well ahead of schedule because there was still daylight left.  This gave me time to put finishing touches on all the drawings and give them all titles.  The four large drawings were then auctioned off to raise money for making the state park more wheelchair friendly.  

After dark, Violet and I were both pretty exhausted.  She ran a super-fast race that morning and I had created 4 large drawings in a short span of time.  We loaded up our gear and headed out to get some food and rest.  We were probably both asleep well before our usual bedtimes.  

The next morning we headed back into Charleston to meet a friend for breakfast.  We grabbed our coffee on the way and were delighted to find googley eyes on our cups.  

Kennedy was our breakfast friend.  We had a good breakfast and catch-up time at Big Bad Breakfast and then took our photo with Bill Murray.

Violet was adamant about having Cafecito before going home.  I was more than happy to help with that.  We walked down King Street and went in a few shops.  We also happened by Marion Square and noticed some colorfully dressed people walking there.  We knew something was going on and decided to investigate.  Turns out it was a festival called India Fest.  We watched a guy lead a group meditation and then saw some cool dances.  

Then we saw the henna tattoos and jumped at the chance to get some.  Violet got a more traditional one.

And I went for the skull and crossbones.

We got our Cafecito and enjoyed our time in Charleston.  I had a moment when I realized there were so many cool things going on around me at once and decided to take this photo.  I was standing in the Holocaust Memorial in Marion Square with a Christian steeple in view.  Church bells were ringing and Indian men were drumming beside me.  Everyone was happily existing in the same space together, fully present. 

"We remember the holocaust to alert ourselves to the dangers of prejudice, to express our outrage at the scourge of racism, and to warn the world that racism can lead to genocide."

 

mcabee's art tips

Here they are!  I posted a few of these on Instagram over the summer and there was a lot of engagement about them.  I figure you deserve the entire list and this may turn into a reference for one of my classes.  

I see a lot of people offering tips and advice to artists.  Some of these people are not working artists and many have no idea what it feels like to deal with the thoughts and feelings an artist may encounter on a daily basis.  If you're new here, I am a working artist and a very productive one.  I've been making artwork professionally for 20 years.  Happy to discuss if you have questions.  

1. Snacks and naps.  You can survive on snacks and naps.  Seriously.  Whatever your situation is, there’s nothing a good nap and a snack can’t fix.

2. Work work work!!!  Get to work.  Now.  This is the sign you’ve been waiting for.  Put the screen down, put your phone in another room and get to work.  Nothing good will happen if you’re not working.

3. Seriously, get to work.  I know you can think of a hundred other things you need to do right now but none of those are as important as you getting to work. Procrastination kills.  Go now.

4. You can make anything you want.  Unless you’re working on an assignment for school or a specific commission that you agreed to, you can literally make anything you want.  Wanting to make it makes it valid.

5. There are no rules.  There are guidelines and rational reasons why certain things should be avoided, but nothing great happens when you follow all the rules.  Rules are boring and so are people who follow them.  We do what we want.

6. You actually are an artist now.  An artist is not some future version of you.  An artist is a person who creates with the intention to communicate.  If that’s you, congratulations, you’re an artist.

7. Be nice.  It’s a small world and artists talk.  Galleries talk. Museums talk.  Everything and everyone is connected.  If you’re a butthole, everyone will know soon.

8. Be grateful.  It may feel like a curse every now and again, but getting to make art is a gift.  You get to play for a living.  You get paid to have fun.  This is, of course, a two parter….

9. Yes, it’s hard.  The hardest thing you’ll ever do is create art.  Physically and mentally this is very difficult work.  If it were easy, everyone would do it and no one would be amazed by it.  This is a reason to be grateful and to get to work.

10. Everything you do will not be great.  Accept that and keep working.  Something you do will be great and even better, it may change some stranger’s life.  This is the noble work of the artist.

11. Be afraid.  Be afraid of not being good enough.  Be afraid of not being able to replicate success.  Be afraid of not drawing, sculpting or painting well.  Be afraid and do it anyway.  Everyone is afraid all the time.

12. Your art is finished when you say it is.  You may turn it out in hours or you may revisit it after years pass.  People like to say art is never finished.  Nonsense.  It’s finished when you say it is.

13. It’s OK to make work to sell.  It’s OK to make work to show in a weird gallery.  It’s OK to make work that you never show to anyone.  You’re an artist and you can do whatever you want.

14. Do not create a design or work of art for someone for free with the promise of “good exposure”.  My dentist never offered a free crown so I’d mention his name.  There’s absolutely no reason for you to work for free.

15. It’s OK to have a full time job that is not art related.  Sometimes we have really good jobs that allow us to buy art supplies and to have the time we need to create.  Do what works for you.  You’re still a real artist.

16. The TV is not your friend.  I realize you probably call it something else now, streaming, Netflix or whatever, but if you want to be a productive artist, you don’t have time for that nonsense.  Turn it off and get to work.

17. Beware of scams.  Scammers love artists.  They’ll email you directly and say they love your work.  I know it felt good that someone liked your work enough to email you, but it’s a scam.  Delete and get back to work.

18. No one is going to knock on your door and offer you a show.  If you want your work out there, you are going to have to put it out there.  Email galleries, enter juried shows, go talk to your local arts center, heck, create your own exhibit.  Just don’t wait on someone else to promote you.

19. Art is not a competition.  Literally no other human can make the exact thing that you can make.  No one can be you.  Work hard, do your best and some days luck will reward you.  (Also a two parter…)

20. Art is absolutely a competition.  There are limited spots in that juried show.  There are limited spaces on that exhibition calendar.  There are limited funds in that grant pool.  If you want them, you better be working hard and doing your best.

21. Your art will be rejected.  A LOT.  You should expect a 90% rejection rate.  Be grateful for the 10%.  Do not confuse yourself with your art.  They didn’t reject YOU.  They rejected your art.

22. Art is magic.  Artists are magicians.  Historically, they were the shamans who could see into the spirit world.  Artists were sought out to guide, advise and console communities.  This is what artists do today.  This is not just a hobby, it is important work that you can contribute as your civic duty.  If you don’t do it, it may not get done.  Get to work!

23. Be kind to yourself.  Do not talk to yourself in a way that you would not speak to someone else.  Negative self-talk will kill your spirit and stop you from working.  Rational criticism is crucial for growth, but it needs to actually be rational.  You do not suck.  Your art is not trash.  You just need to get back to work.  

24. Try something new.  You’re not just a painter or a sculptor or a designer.  You’re an artist.  You can do anything you want.

25. Say yes.  Always say yes to opportunities.  Never done that before?  Say yes.  Not sure you can pull it off?  Say yes.  Scared?  Say yes.  The uncertainty is where you grow.

26. Keep it interesting.  Switch up what you do.  Finish a large work and then see how small you can go.  Known for your 3D work?  Make some 2D work.  Got your style down so well you could do it in your sleep?  Make a new style.  You’ll push yourself and force yourself to learn new things.

27. Stop listening to idiots.  If the person criticizing your work isn’t a working artist that you have a great deal of respect for, do not take their advice or criticism.  Smile, say thank you and throw those comments in the mental trash bin.  

28. Write down compliments about your work.  When you overhear someone saying something nice about your work in a gallery, write it down.  When someone tells you they love your work, write it down.  Then read those comments on the darker days.  

29. Work all the time.  Life is short and you’re supposed to be positively contributing to society while you’re breathing.  You’re not positively contributing when you’re watching Netflix or otherwise procrastinating.  Close your laptop, put away your phone and go work.

the first four weeks

Hey.

I started this blog in the years before Instagram as a way of collecting thoughts and images for my own keeping in a digital sketchbook/journal that I could access from any location.  Along the way, I noticed that a couple of people would tune in from time to time to catch up and get a glimpse into what was going on in my life.  Often, that awareness of an "audience" shifted the way I would think about what I would write or post here.  Sometimes the tone would be sharing.  Sometimes it would be more educational.  Most of the time it was just goofy.  Similar to my Instagram posts.

Instagram is a great tool but I find myself often wanting to share more than just a photo and a quick caption.  Usually those types of things go here now.  This one will probably be a good example of that.  

Because I'm silly and I like to make jokes, I will post about things that may not be going great.  A flat tire or a frustration might be an opportunity for a little joke and a reminder that these things happen to everyone.  Instagram is also an easy format for showing how great our lives are.  Beautiful vacation photos and accomplishments are often celebrated by our little digital village.  

I think it's important to keep balance in those areas.  

Thinking back on the first 4 weeks of the semester, I can easily recall the not-so-great things that happened.  The fire on the sculpture deck, the constant feeling of being overworked, and the frustrations from a couple of people come to mind immediately.  Like you, if I'm not careful, the bad things will dominate my memory and I'll forget all of the truly wonderful things that happened as well.  Here's an attempt to give some of those things equal, or even more, time...

I hate how much I love being with good people.  I say that because I am a hermit.  You may have noticed the title of this entire blog?  Few things interest me as much as working alone in my studio and not leaving my house.  But, dang if I don't love being around my people.  It makes me happy and gives me energy in ways I don't even understand.  Freakin' community.  Ugh.  And that's how I found myself in North Charleston with Kennedy at Kevin's art reception.  I guess that needs an explanation.  

In the span of a week in August, Kennedy went from living near campus and being a full-time graduate student with a couple of local jobs to living in Summerville and being a full-time art teacher and a full-time online graduate student.  Her sudden departure meant that Lander was robbed of a whole year of Kennedy.  Lucky for me, I seem to go to Summerville a lot.  My friend Kevin Morrissey was kind enough to have an art exhibition in North Charleston on an open spot in my calendar.  I LOVE Kevin and I also LOVE his artwork so I jumped at the opportunity to take care of all sorts of birds with one stone.  

First, I alerted Kennedy that I'd be in the area and invited her to the reception.  Then I packed the art I needed to deliver to Jana and Dan in Summerville.  I LOVE Jana and Dan.  I drove directly there and delivered the art and got to hug both of them.  I didn't think to get a photo but it was great to see them and Dan and I got to have a late lunch before I drove on down to the reception.  Kennedy met me there and we got to see the show and we got to talk to Kevin for a while.  He's so great.  Luckily, Kevin had the presence of mind to take a photo that he shared with me.

Then, Kennedy and I got to have dinner outside just a short walk away.  It was so fun to catch up and share stories of the absolute ridiculousness of our collective last 4 weeks.  When I did remember to get a photo with her, it was already dark but we found a street light and boom, photo...

Kennedy is so great.  She's such a wonderful human and a caring teacher.  I LOVE her.  She is in a very difficult situation, though, so y'all send some calming, encouraging thoughts towards the lowcountry for her please.

So I saw Kevin, I saw Kennedy, I saw Jana and Dan.  That's a pretty great overnight trip but I still needed to do one selfish thing before going home...

The Ravenel bridge over the Cooper River is an architectural treat but the real treat is the protected pedestrian lane that spans the entire bridge.  I LOVE running across it.  The views of the river, of Mount Pleasant and of downtown Charleston are breathtaking.  Especially when you're running up the incline of the bridge.  That was a runner's joke.  I apologize. 

To make this run happen, I booked a hotel in Mount Pleasant and planned to get up early for the run.  I didn't realize that hordes of middle aged men were doing a walk across the bridge in honor/memory of 9/11 firefighters.  When I started up the incline, it looked like Mount Pleasant was being invaded by a small army of stocky white dudes from Crossfit.  Their platoons took up most of the lane, making it a little dangerous to pass them without getting flattened by a speeding cyclist.  

My attention quickly turned to the views and just as quickly, I noticed something else.  Downtown Charleston was shining like a diamond under a blue sky.  The river looked a little more gray.  But Mount Pleasant was sort of missing.  I couldn't see it.  Dark clouds suffocated the view of land almost all the way up to the bridge itself.  I was only about a half mile in and I was about to get very wet.  The rain came in a wave and it rained very hard.  The big drops of water stung as they hit skin.  Everyone was trapped in the open.  Some runners and walkers shielded their faces with their hands.  Some tried walking backwards.  I just ran.  (By the way, the weather indicated zero chance of rain moments before this run.  Thanks John!)

When I pass runners, I usually wave or say "good morning".  When the rain came, that turned into odd, knowing looks shared between runners.  The looks and smiles seemed to say, "yes, I know this is stupid and yes, I also kind of love it."  The rain stopped just as I neared the end of my run.  Was it worth it?  Oh, absolutely.  

I'm not the biggest fan of how photos upload on Blogger but after all these years, let's face it, I'm not switching software.  We'll just do these in no particular order.  In the previous post, I mentioned getting to run with my kids.  I LOVE it.  Last weekend I got to run a new paved trail with Violet for 4 miles and it was so awesome.  I know you think it's weird that I love running, but you can still imagine how cool it is to run with your kids.  (I also LOVE Violet.)

I LOVE Jocelyn.  She moved to Asheville, NC and is all busy up there being an adult.  The last time I saw her was almost a year ago when she visited campus and we got to have a coffee.  We tried to work out a quick visit during one of my summer travels, but the map eventually told us the distance and driving time wasn't reasonable and we scrapped those plans.  Then she told me she was visiting home soon and we finally got to hang out and catch up.  Every once in a while Jocelyn needs to be reminded how great she is.  We took care of that and now we can look forward to the next time!

The Ninjas of Kindness are back!  When classes resumed, the Ninjas were back in action.  This is a ridiculous, voluntary thing that my art people do each week and I LOVE them for it.  Even when the mission is to hug strangers, they're into it.  Some of our regulars are Shaina, Katherine, Ana, Colby, Hope, Ashley, Ash, Georgia, H-Dawg and New Brandon.  There are many more who show up too.  If you're near campus on a Thursday morning, join us!

Silly, but this Land Cruiser was parked near where Kennedy and I ate that night.  It was so beautiful.  This is the grandfather to my current FJ and I LOVE it.  If you have one of these that you want to give me, hit me up.

I LOVE giving superpowers to students.  Specifically the kind that plug in and cut wood or weld steel.  My Sculpture 1 students are always so timid and cautious about using a power tool but I get to watch their demeanor change drastically when they realize they can do this.  It's like you can see the moment when they realize that they feel like a total badass.  I LOVE it.  

I guess this is my girl-gang?  Is that offensive?  Well, they wouldn't be offended.  The stress of the first few weeks was heavy and I was ready to shuck it off after my community lecture last Tuesday.  Knowing they'd be up for some fun, I texted the girl-gang to hang out.  Brinana and Katherine were my 3D BFA seniors while Emily was my 3D MFA student.  We trauma-bonded for a few semesters before Brinana graduated and moved into a big-girl job.  Katherine entered the MFA program with Emily and we were able to hang out a few times last year with Brinana.  Now Emily has graduated with her MFA, Brinana has just earned her Masters in Business and Katherine is in her final year of the MFA.  Busy people.  So it was great to have an hour or so together to laugh and talk.  I LOVE them.  

Being back from summer break also allows me to get back into Coffee With McAbee episodes.  I can't find my photo with Hannah but here's mine this week with Jessica.  Both Hannah and Jessica have been my students for ages and both have graduated with their BFAs.  In all that time, we didn't get to do an official episode, even though we hung out a lot.  The Universe fixed all that in these first 4 weeks.  I LOVE Hannah and Jessica.  I also enjoy getting to talk to people over coffee (or frozen Starbucks drinks).  Freakin' community.  Ugh.

In the list of good things, this may be the good-est.  Blue has been making his cross country comeback for a couple of months now.  The secret way he planned this without anyone knowing forced him to get into super-fast 5K shape in a super-short period of time.  A lesser person would not have been able to do this.  Coach has always said that Blue never gives up.  That endurance and perseverance was never so easily visible as now.  

Blue worked very hard to get fit enough to meet the qualifying time for making the team.  Just as he did, two sicknesses took him down and forced him to not run for two weeks.  You lose running fitness in as little as three days and two weeks off at a crucial time was really tough.  As soon as he was well, he was back outside running and training.  

Last night at practice, he ran fast enough to break the qualifying time and he even did that while accidentally running too far.  His coach's reaction to finding out he made it was so great.  What an accomplishment.  I'm so proud of him.  I LOVE him.  

So there.  That's really a lot of good packed into four weeks and that's just the stuff I had photos for.  There's also a ton of kind words, smiles, waves, high fives, hugs, runs, blue skies and dog cuddles that didn't get written about but were none-the-less day making events.  

Y'all are awesome.  I LOVE y'all.

 

the summer of blue and violet

In the years since I started getting to have a summer break, the kids and I have had a lot of interesting summer themes.  We had the Summer of Waterfalls when we visited over 30 waterfalls in the region, the Summer of Free when we did as many free things as possible all summer and I had a Summer of Beaches when I spent more of my summer on the beach than I did at home.  All good times.

Now that the kids are older, we don’t really plan any sort of summer theme.  They’re not really too cool for it, but as a family, we’re probably a little too busy for it.  They’ve become protective of their limited days “off” and I’ve been busier than ever with art activities and professional development.  This means fewer cool hiking trips or kayaking days.  

Still, I couldn’t have planned a more enjoyable summer than the one we accidentally created this year.

TV

Last year, Violet and I started watching TV together almost every night for an hour.  I do not normally watch TV at all but I knew this was important so I made time for it.  For the entire time we did this, Blue would be upstairs in his room during our TV time.  We would ask him to join us but he had no interest in watching the goofy shows we were into and while he will watch TV occasionally late at night, he rarely watches TV and NEVER watches movies.  

There are no bed times in summer so Violet had more time for TV beginning in June.  This meant we watched a few movies or binged more episodes of our shows.  We caught Blue one night before he went up to his room and invited him to watch a movie with us.  The movie was a silly one I knew he would enjoy called “Cocaine Bear”.  It took some doing, but we got him to watch with us and we all laughed together for an hour and a half.  He told us about some shows we needed to watch and soon we had him watching TV with us most nights.  We watched some good shows but the really wonderful thing about this was all three of us being in the same room every night with nothing in particular to do.  Watching TV in modern times really means having the TV on while you ramble around on your phone or have side conversations about what you’re watching.  This was kind of magical with a rising 9th grader and a rising senior and some nights we even got G to watch with us for a while before her bedtime.  I understand that our family isn’t like a lot of families, but from what I understand, this kind of time together is rare.  This may have been my favorite thing about this summer.

Goodwill

I have always included Blue and Violet in the Summer Studio Sales.  They always get the behind-the-scenes view of what it takes to have a sale in your home, but they also get some experience in thinking of what to make and how to market that to people.  It’s also a way to interact and have things in common.  This year Violet took the knowledge and experience she gained from making bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert and she applied that to making even cooler bracelets for the sale.  This was an activity she could do during TV time each night.  Blue has been into vintage clothing for a while and he decided he was going to try to sell vintage and pre-loved clothing at the sale.  This meant we all took a lot of trips to Goodwill stores together and separately.  Some days the three of us would load up and head to Goodwill as a destination.  Some days we’d try to find one in whatever city or town we were near.  Each trip was a group effort when it came to looking for cool stuff.  Violet, honestly, shopped for herself mostly, but occasionally offered a great find to Blue for his collection.  I was also shopping for myself in the tshirt section, but even I found a few things Blue deemed cool enough for his racks.  We even made a trip to Greenwood mostly just to let him look through the big Goodwill there.  When we arrived, the store was repainting walls and they had removed all of the tshirts.  What a bummer.  We did go back a few days later which provided more time with Blue and Violet.

Running

In 8th grade Blue made the choice to join the Cross Country team.  He hated running with a passion but he fell in love with the team.  Last year he decided there was nothing worth running and training in the summer heat and he dropped out of the team.  He still did discus and shotput at Track and Field, but he claimed he’d never run again.  Meanwhile, Violet kept running and kept getting faster.  She ran Track again last season and really only took a few weeks off from training between the end of Track and the beginning of summer conditioning for Cross Country.  

I go to Cross Country practice during the summer and when I’m not at school during the season and I always run with the team when I’m there.  I enjoy running and I like getting the extra miles and running in different places.  When both kids started Cross Country, I ran with them so they wouldn’t be alone or unsafe in public places.  Because I’m a dad, it was hard to keep my mouth shut when I didn’t think they were running fast enough or trying hard enough.  Both kids helped me learn to shut up and run.  They ran better when I was some distance away and not saying anything.  Apparently my kids are stubborn and don’t like people telling them what to do.  No idea where that kind of trait comes from.

Finally understanding this, I didn’t say much to Blue about coming back to run for his senior year.  Other Cross Country parents would mention it when they saw him and he would dismiss their comments with humor.  He was going to the gym regularly and I knew he sometimes did some treadmill work there.  This summer I overheard him talking about the possibility of running.  I was hopeful but I tried not to say anything.  One evening I turned into the driveway and saw someone running on my trail.  It was Blue.  I pretended not to see and tried to mind my business.  Soon he was having more regular conversations about when he thought he might rejoin the team…as if it was just a thing that had been decided and everyone knew about it.  

He's smart.  He hates summer running and he planned his return to be as late as possible without missing camp and still hopefully having enough time to train to make the team’s maximum 5K time.  I told him I was thrilled that he had decided to run again but there’s no way I adequately communicated exactly how thrilled I am.  

The last half of summer included long drives to Cross Country practice three or four days each week with both Blue and Violet.  The 30 minute commute provided lots of extra conversation time them.  And I got to run with them!  At a comfortable distance, of course, and with my mouth shut as much as possible.  It was great.

Near Death Experience

Trauma bonding is fun.  The kids might say that our commutes to and from Cross Country practice had more to do with Stockholm Syndrome than spending quality family time together, but either way, I’ll take it.  We had some funny talks on those drives but sometimes we just listened to music or they scrolled while I drove.  

This week we loaded ourselves in the FJ for a longer than usual drive to a more distant running trail for Cross Country practice.  We knew storms were predicted but it was sunny and calm at home so we drove north.  About 20 miles up the interstate the sky had darkened considerably.  There was no wind or rain but it was really dark.  This was a quiet time in the car.  Violet was watching something with headphones in.  Blue had addressed the darkness of the sky but was quietly scrolling on his phone.  Then there was a white flash, an immediate CRACK sound and wind like it came from a shockwave.  It looked and sounded like we exploded.  I looked in the rear view mirror and every car and truck behind us had slowed down and put on their hazard lights.  We were shocked.  Well not literally but something had definitely happened.  

The kids never want to miss a practice but Blue’s first words were, “we’re going home”.  Ok, maybe not his FIRST words, but definitely his third, fourth and fifth words.  I asked what the heck just happened and continued to slow down.  The wind was strong now and rain had started.  Everyone behind us still had their hazard lights on and were creeping along.  We were at an exit so I pulled off and headed for the closest gas station.  Blue and I got out and glanced at the exterior of the car.  Everything looked fine.  We were even more puzzled.  We figured if we got hit by lightning, we’d be dead or the car would at least be scorched.  In the couple of seconds we were out of the car looking, there were maybe three lightning strikes nearby and the gas station’s power went out.  We jumped back in the car.  Blue said again that we were going home.  

At that moment Violet got an email from the coach saying that practice was still on.  The timing was perfectly hilarious.  I thought we’d sit there and let the storm pass and then continue on to practice.  The storm would likely be over by the time we got there anyway.  I just couldn’t shake the idea that something had happened, not just near us, but TO us on the interstate.  I got out again and walked to the front of the car.  That’s when I saw that the little metal piece above my windshield was missing.  Gone.  Like, blown off.  How does that happen?  

Blue and Violet got out to see the damage.  The sky was still flashing with lightning so we all jumped back in and decided we were going home.  We briefly entertained the idea of driving back through to see if we could find the missing piece of my car but the storm was now so bad, we just wanted to get back home alive.  

The line of storms had not yet reached our house and we were all still trying to figure out what had happened.  All of us Googled "lighting striking cars" and we all got different information.  Some cars get fried.  Some get the paint scorched off.  Some cars have no damage at all.  We were all amped up as the storm rolled into our territory back home, so we kept recounting what we experienced.  All evidence pointed to us either being hit by lightning or driving directly through a lightning strike.  Either way, my car was maimed and we were all a little freaked out.  

When the storm passed our house, Blue went out for his run to stay on schedule.  I stood on the front porch with hummingbirds zipping all around me watching the sky for lightning while he ran.  The air was rain-cooled and there was a nice breeze.  It was one of those moments where it's easy to be grateful and I suddenly realized I had a wonderful summer.

THE running tips!

Did you see my (perhaps annoying) running tips on Instagram?  Did you take issue with any of them?  Did you want a bit more information on any of them?  Well look no further!  Here's a complete list of THE running tips (copyright Doug McAbee 2023, of course) with a few extra words tossed in:

1. Start today.  Tomorrow never comes.  Put on your shoes and go run.  Now.  You will never regret running.

2. Your brain is 100% of your run.  Yes, you CAN run that mile.  Yes, you CAN breathe.  Yes, you CAN go a little further.  Control your brain and you’ll control your entire body.

3. Don’t walk.  It’s cheating.  You’ll confuse your body.  If you keep stopping, you body will expect to stop.  It’s called “running” for a reason.  Don’t walk.  However, if you are starting out from never running it's totally cool and perhaps even a good idea to walk a bit.  Try a 30 minute work out.  Set a timer for 30 minutes.  Run .5 miles and then walk until the timer goes off.  Keep stretching that running distance each workout until you're running the whole time.

4. Run every day.  It’s not bad for your knees.  It’s not bad for your body.  These are excuses made by people who do not run.  No one cares what they think anyway.  Seriously, don't take running advice from anyone who doesn't run.

5. Drink water.  Not chemicals.  You don’t need that sports drink or additives to your water unless you’re running a marathon.  You know what’s in water?  Water.  Especially if you live in the country.  Water is good for your body.  

6. Eat smart.  If it makes you feel bad when you run, it’s bad for you.  I know you love ice cream.  Me too.  But it makes you feel terrible the next day.  That means your body is not easily processing it.  Let it go.  If you can’t let it go, minimize it.  Decrease your fried food intake.  Decrease your sugar intake.  You will feel better, look better and BE better.

7. Never drink another carbonated beverage.  Soft drinks are absolute poison.  Cut them out of your life completely and see how much better your body feels.  Do it today.  

8. Get good shoes.  Shoes impact every part of your body when running.  This is basically the only expense related to running.  Try on the good ones.  Splurge.  (I was happy to be corrected by my female running friends.  If you're female, please get a couple of good quality, perhaps even expensive running bras.)

9. Run outside.  Don’t pay to run in a gym.  Find a trail or route that is safe and run outside.  Breathe the air.  Listen to the trees.  Seriously, that fresh air is a major part of why running is healthy.  Your lungs will thank you.

10. Music is a distraction.  I know all you can hear is yourself gasping for air.  Don’t use headphones, earbuds or anything.  Just listen to what is around you.  You will learn to be in your head and it will be the healthiest thing you’ve ever done.  Full disclosure, it took me almost 30 years of running to be able to run without music but I'm so happy that now I only hear natural sounds.  Please try it.

11. Really?  Every day?  Yes.  Even when it’s raining, snowing, hot or cold.  Being truly committed to something difficult will change your life.  Show me someone with an extensive running streak and I'll show you someone you can depend on when things get tough.

12. Running will change your life for the better.  You will be healthier physically and mentally.  It may change how you look but the most important part of running is how it will change how you act, think and feel.

13. People will like you better if you run.  This has nothing to do with how your body looks.  Yes, running will make your skin/face glow but it will also make you more relaxed and better able to deal with stress.  This will make you nicer, kinder and more pleasant to be around.  

14. It’s ok to wash your running clothes with your regular clothes.  Some people will tell you it’s gross but if your laundry doesn’t stink, you’re fine.  I took a lot of heat for this one but I stand by it without smelling gross.  In fact, I usually smell like detergent.

15. Take care of your feet.  That means, wash them every day and trim your nails properly and regularly.  Not sure if you know how to trim nails properly for running?  Google it.  Happy feet, happy runner.

16. Don’t wear your running shoes to do anything other than running.  They’re running shoes, not walking shoes.  Treat them as if they are special.  Putting them on is a treat because it means you get to go running.  Quality running shoes should be good for 300-500 miles.  When you retire a pair, keep them for rainy day runs or wash them well and use them for daily wear sneakers.  Better yet, donate them!

17. If you have to drive somewhere to run, fine, but if possible, run by starting at your front door.  You’ll have fewer excuses if you just have to walk outside to run.  Need to do a quick run because you’re late?  No problem, just go outside.  Think it might storm?  You’re close to home.  Maybe it’s not your everyday route, but a home route is great for success.

18. Unless you’re on a team or trying to outdo your neighbor, running isn’t a competition.  Running is a contest between your body and your mind.  Leave the others out of it on a daily basis.  If you want to race someone, cool, do that occasionally.  Your regular runs need to be between you and you.  This is an individual sport and you're only competing with a past version of yourself.  

19. Progress is never a straight line.  You will have a good run followed by a terrible run.  It means you’re human.  Some days your legs will feel like concrete.  Keep running.  Want to know how you’ll feel after completing a bad run?  Amazing.  Exactly the same as you feel after completing a good run.

20. Running doesn’t get easier.  You get better.  Running is hard.  Don’t lie to yourself and think it will be easy one day.  If it’s easy, you’re probably doing something wrong.  It will always be hard, but when you’re in shape, eating well and taking care of yourself, you’ll be so much better at it.

21. You can run faster.  Your body will naturally settle into routines that feel safe.  You’ll get a normal pace and your body will want to run that every day.  That’s fine, but if you want to get faster, you CAN run faster.  Try it.  Start sprinting for a few seconds then run normal pace again.  Keep doing that and increase the intervals.  

22. You should run first thing every morning.  Within an hour of waking up, your run is done and you’ve already accomplished more than most people will during that day.  You don’t have to think about it again until the next day.  If you must run at another time, do what works for you but a “first thing in the morning run” is always the best idea.  Full disclosure:  I was in my 40s before I could even entertain the idea of a morning run but I'm so glad I made the switch.  You will see a difference in your brain activity after a morning run.

23. Run on vacation.  The best way to explore a new place is by running the streets.  You’re going to want to eat unhealthy food and be extra lazy on some vacations.  Running will help to offset those tendencies.  Keep in mind that you GET to run so it's not something you'll want a vacation from.

24. Running makes you smarter.  There’s science to this but just on a common sense level your brain will benefit from the increased blood flow and from having time to think things through in your head.

25. Running is NOT punishment.  Running is something you GET to do.  You don’t need to run because you ate a doughnut or because you had a beer.  You need to run because you can!  To celebrate what your body is capable of doing.  Running is a gift.

26. Something hurts.  No it doesn’t.  If you focus on every little ache and pain, those will become bigger issues.  If the pain is actually excruciating and makes you limp or change your running form, you should stop.  If the pain gets increasingly worse and causes you to change your running form, you should see a doctor.  If your foot, hip, back, shoulder, toe, calf, thigh, or butt hurts after you run, that’s just normal.  Keep running.

27. You run with your brain.  Focus on the positive.  If you’re counting every step, thinking about how terribly hot it is or thinking you’re dying, you’ll have a terrible run and you’ll likely stop.  Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be able to walk, much less run?  Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be healthy enough for exercise?  Focus on everything that is going well and your run will go well. 

28. You’re not dying.  You don’t have to worry about breathing.  If you’re not really getting enough oxygen, you’ll pass out and while you’re on the ground, you’ll breathe normally again.  It really only feels like you’re dying when you’re starting out.  No lie, when I started running again in my late 20s my out loud mantra was "don't die, don't die, don't die" because I felt like I was dying.  The truth is, we're all dying.  Eef Barzely wrote, "Death is just the moment when the dying ends."  Ponder that on your run.

29. Sweat is sexy.  It makes you more attractive.  I have zero evidence to support this claim, but it’s not like you’re going to fact-check a statement you read on Instagram anyway, right?  Just go with it.  Embrace your sweat and be proud that you worked so hard.  Actually, if you care, there is scientific evidence to support this claim.  Feel free to fact-check it.

30. You are a runner.  There’s no such thing as a runner’s body or a person who just isn’t designed to run.  If you are physically able to run, you’re a runner.  Just go run and see.

31. No one cares if you’re slow.  No one cares if you’re fast.  People care that you have a healthy heart and body.  Just run.  Do you know how far a 5K is for slow runners?  Exactly as far as it is for fast runners.  Run and be proud of what you did.

32. No one cares what you look like when you run.  Maybe you run like a zombie.  Maybe your legs swing way out.  Maybe you make terrible faces.  You’ll be healthy enough to outlive everyone who may notice.  

33. If it was easy, everyone would be running.  Easy is the couch.  Easy is obesity.  Easy gets winded walking up the stairs.  Easy has a lot of doctor appointments.  Do the hard thing.  Go for a run.

34.  Runners are THE MOST encouraging and supportive humans on the planet.  This is fact.  The people I have met through running are smarter, kinder and healthier than most people, but they are all super-supportive.  Get you some running friends.  I'll volunteer to be your first one.  Then go on Instagram and find a few aspirational running friends and watch your life improve.

Of course I have to add the disclaimer:

These tips are my personal opinions based on 30+ years of running.  I am not a medical professional nor am I a running coach.  I'm just a guy who has logged over 14,000 miles running since 2010.  You may disagree with my advice but I practice what I preach.  Happy to discuss.  Go run!